I spent the next 3-4 days dwelling on it some more and doing my own research about living kidney donation. I was starting from virtually nothing, so did as much reading as I could – who can to become a donor, what’s actually involved, the risks surrounding donating, the recovery period after the operation, and so much more.
After a week or so I came to my decision. I called her and said I was willing to be tested. She asked if I was sure. I responded I was, if she wanted me to. She said of course!
I spoke to my family and explained that I would be tested to see if I could donate, but I didn’t know how far through I’d get. There are so many tests involved, so if nothing else it was good to know if I was able to donate before making a decision. They agreed it was worth doing to see what options were available. I’m the second youngest of seven siblings, and am very close with my younger sister. When I told her, she was fully behind me, and cried that I would do something like that for my friend.
I think my decision was partly inspired by my dad. He was a blood donor for my cousins when they were born prematurely. He passed away 22 years ago, but whenever I see my cousins (even now they’re in their 50s!) I’m reminded of what he did. I think he inspired all of us to give whatever we can to help others.
Hammersmith Hospital got in touch with me soon afterward and explained everything involved in testing, and to let them know whenever I was ready to begin. The process started in May 2016, and went on until January/February 2017 when I was told I was a match for Swetal and was able to donate.
It all felt quite slow to start with, but they can’t just dive in and say you’re ready for the operation. They had to check things like my own kidney health, if I was a match for Swetal, and that I was mentally and emotionally ready to donate my organ. I work in a school and didn’t want to tell them about it until I knew I was a match, so had to fit my tests around that too. The hospital completely understood my situation and it was never a problem.
I had a lot of emotions when I found out I was able to donate. Once I knew that, I had a decision to make. Was donating really the right decision for me? Personally, I knew almost immediately. I had known from the beginning. When the moment came, I knew I wanted to donate to my friend.
After making this decision, I told the rest of my family. My sisters and brothers already knew, as did my children, but I hadn’t told my mum. She was 89 at the time, and I didn’t want her to be unnecessarily worried about me. When she found out, she said it was a wonderful thing for me to do, as long as I was okay and not putting myself in danger. I talked her through everything I had been told during the process before then – I’m fit and healthy, I look after myself, and the NHS was happy enough with my test results to let me donate a kidney. Plus our family had no underlying health conditions, which meant the odds were that none of us would need a kidney donation in the future. That put her mind at ease, and was certainly a weight off my own back too.
Next, I told the school I worked at. I was worried about telling them, but again was reassured by how supportive they were. They told me not to worry if I had to miss any work because of the donation, and said they were fully behind the good deed I was doing. My headmistress told me “go do your amazing stuff, keep us posted!” After that, I made sure to give them a call or a message every few weeks to let them know how it was all going.
The operation was arranged for the middle of May, which would give me the rest of the summer off to recover before the school term began. I was definitely in some pain for the first two or three days after the surgery, but the healthcare team helped as much as they could. Swetal and I were put in beds side by side, which gave us some company during it all and really helped our recovery.
By the fourth day I was well enough to be sent home and recover from there. It was still a bit painful, but being in my own space really helped. My extended family all live in North London, so they came round and helped me as much as they could. That made the world of difference. Swetal had a lot of support around her too, though her recovery was a lot smoother and quicker than mine. It was fantastic to see the difference my kidney made!
I would never describe my donation as something extraordinary. It’s something I was able to do, so I did it. I’m happy I was in a position where I could do it. I’ve been able to see the effects the transplant had on Swetal, it’s given her a new lease of life. She has children of her own – what would her life be like if she had to hook up to a dialysis machine for hours and hours multiple times a week? How would she fit that into her family life, or with her career?
Seven years on, Swetal’s kidney is perfect! She still has other conditions to deal with, but my donation has given her one less thing to worry about. I’ve given her more life through my actions.
