Dishna’s Story

My mum was being seen by a kidney consultant for as long as I can remember. In 2017, her consultant told us that her kidney was deteriorating and that she needed to go on the kidney transplant list. That was a real shock to her – she’d been going for years and was always told that she was fine to continue as she had been. I’m the eldest of her four children, and we all knew that this would happen one day, but it always felt very far away. We didn’t expect it to actually happen.

She was told that if she didn’t receive a kidney then eventually she’d need to go on dialysis. I was with her for her appointment and still remember the look on her face. She couldn’t take it in.

The nurse explained all the options to us. She could go on the transplant list and wait for a kidney to become available from a deceased or non-directed donor, or a family member could begin tests to see if they were compatible for a donation.

I got home and talked with my husband about it, as well as my sisters. We all agreed that I should at least go and get tested to see if it was even an option before we made up our minds. The professionals made it clear that the donation could only happen if they were as certain as they could be that I was healthy enough to do so and there would be no problems, so we may as well see if that was the case before we made up our minds.

We didn’t tell anyone else outside of myself, my parents, siblings and my husband. I’m part of a large family, but we didn’t want everyone to feel as though they could control what would happen. It was my decision. We only told them a couple of weeks before the surgery, after I had gone through all the tests and was told that I was healthy enough to donate and a match with my mum. The first people to be told were our two kids. They thought it was really cool that I could do something like donate an organ while I was still alive! Other reactions were quite mixed at first. Some family members were shocked at first as they didn’t know anything about kidney donation. There was a lot of fear about the unknown aspects of donating.

Through it all, though, I was adamant that we shouldn’t let their opinions influence us. I said to my mum, once everyone knows then they know. But it’s what we wanted to do that matters. We don’t answer to anyone. I’ve chosen to donate, and it will improve her health. That’s all that matters.

My mum is doing amazingly well since her kidney transplant. She’s got her zest for life back, and she can be a better grandmother because of it. She still needs to take medication every day, but she’d need that even if she didn’t have the operation. The kidney has saved her from doing dialysis several times a week. A lot of people don’t realise just how draining and debilitating that can be. It’s essentially a type of life support machine that your veins have to be connected up to several times a week.

For me, I feel like there can be a negative stigma around donating an organ. I’m from a Hindu background. Our faith tells us that we should be giving and charitable, including donating blood if we’re able, but when it comes to organs people have a lot of opinions. My parents felt as though they’ve lived their lives and they couldn’t possibly take anything from their children. As a mum I completely understand that, but I also understand when health needs to come first.

Mum is so proud of her kidney now. Before the operation happened there were a lot of worries and a lot that we didn’t know, but now that it’s done she tells everyone! She’s incredibly proud that her daughter gave her a kidney, and she was in a position where she could receive such a gift. She wants people to be more aware of living kidney donation and realise that it’s not a bad thing at all, it doesn’t deserve the stigma. I’m so glad that she feels that way, and can talk to people in our community to explain our situation and show that everything is fine.

Dishna is also a Buddy in the UK Living Kidney Donation Buddy Support Service. Visit our webpage on the service if you would like to speak to her, or someone else who has experience in living kidney donation.