"I’ve seen how donating a kidney can improve a family and give somebody back their life after years of suffering.”
I was with my childen’s dad Sean for about eight years. He lives with polycystic kidney disease, so had to go for lots of check-ups the whole time we were together. He was open about how his kidney function was going down, but we never really got into the specifics of what that actually meant.
He made it clear to me early in our relationship that if things kept getting worse, then he’d have to start dialysis to stay alive. I remember us having a conversation about how, if it came to it and he needed a kidney donation, then of course I’d get tested to see if I could donate. After that, it was never really spoken about as he never got to the stage of needing a transplant while we were together.
We parted ways around 13 years ago, but always stayed in touch with each other as we have two boys together. Since then, I knew that his kidneys continued deteriorating. Around five years ago, it got to the point where he was told that he’d need to start dialysis as his kidneys were no longer working enough to keep him healthy. That came as a real shock. Our kids were too young to understand what it really meant, but still had to watch him get hooked up to a dialysis machine several times a week. All they knew was that their dad couldn’t do things other dads could, like go on holidays abroad or go swimming with them, and they didn’t like it. It was heartbreaking to see them, and him, losing out because of this thing we couldn’t control.
During Covid, he had to completely isolate. The kids weren’t able to spend time with him for over a year. He’d come to the house, but wouldn’t be able to get out of his car. The kids couldn’t give him a hug. It was a really difficult time.
One moment that really sticks with me was when I was at home. My youngest was ten at the time and was sitting on my bed playing on his phone. I looked over his shoulder and saw that he was Googling whether he was old enough to donate a kidney to his dad. That made me so emotional. I realised, I’ve got a chance to do this for my kids’ dad. Sean and I had been apart for years, but he’s still the father to my children. They were suffering, and there was something I could do to help. I’m a fit and healthy person, and I have an opportunity that other people would love to have. I had to look into it at the very least.
Beginning testing
I got in touch with my local hospital to see if I could begin the tests to check if I was able to donate a kidney. They said yes, then sent me some more information about the process and a few forms that I had to fill in and post back to them. The covid lockdowns had eased at this point and Sean was able to go back to his normal routine with the kids. One day when he came round to pick up the kids, I went up to his car holding the hospital letter and asked if he could post it for me. When he saw the front of the letter, he just burst into tears. A few days later, the hospital got back to me saying they’d received my forms, and the testing began.
To be honest, the process was fine. It was just a few days of going back and forth to the hospital, having multiple blood tests, making sure I had two healthy kidneys, things like that. It was all pretty smooth sailing to be honest. It wasn’t long before they told me that my kidneys were fit and healthy enough to donate, and they wanted both of us to come in together and have a chat about the process.
We went into the hospital together to speak with their donation specialist. He explained that my kidneys weren’t a perfect match for Sean because they were a slightly different size. However, there were still options available. That’s when they told us about the Kidney Sharing Scheme – I could donate my kidney to someone else who was on the kidney waiting list and a better match for my kidney, then Sean would get a better matching kidney for himself in return.
I hadn’t heard anything about the scheme before, but he was really good at explaining everything involved. We both agreed it was a great option, and we were obviously going to do it. I wasn’t locked to the idea of him having to have my kidney. If he could get an even better one by me donating, and there was the added benefit of someone else out there getting a better-matched kidney too, then why wouldn’t we go for it?
Donating a kidney while filming a TV show
It took a while to hear anything back after we signed the papers to go ahead, probably as we were still coming out of covid. But once everything was up and running again, things went quite quickly.
Around this time, I began filming with Married at First Sight. Whilst I was on the show I explained to the producers that I might get a phone call while we were filming, and if I did then there was a chance I would have to leave because my priority was absolutely my kidney donation. The producers and the whole team were really understanding and were absolutely fine about it.
In the end, I got the call five or six weeks after filming ended. I was in the kitchen when I got the call from the hospital to say they’d found a match for my kidney and for Sean, and they were ready to move ahead. I’d been looking forward to this call, and I always knew that if I felt unsure or uneasy during this phone call, then I was doing the wrong thing. But in the moment, I felt over the moon!
They asked if I wanted to tell Sean or if I’d prefer them to tell him. I said I’d break the good news. So I got my two boys together and said we had to have an important talk. They sat at the kitchen table and I told them we were going to ring their dad.
They looked scared, and asked me “What have we done wrong?”
I phoned their dad and put him on loudspeaker. When he picked up, I told him that the hospital had found a match for both of us, and he was going to get a kidney.
He just choked up at the news, and had to put the phone down for a bit before calling us back. I didn’t know it at the time, but he was actually dialysing when I called him. He was so happy. The kids were absolutely gobsmacked too, and started crying and hugging me.
After that, it was only a few weeks before they were able to arrange the operations.
Operation day
I was actually really nervous on the day of the operation. I remember being in the back of the car on the way to hospital and feeling really worried. That’s probably quite normal. But once I actually got into the hospital and spoke to the nurses, I became a lot more relaxed. I kept thinking about my kids and the difference I was making for them. After that, the day just went really smoothly.
Sean’s operation happened in the evening after my own. I was able to see him face-to-face the following day after we’d both had a night’s sleep in the hospital. I was wheeled over to his ward in a wheelchair, as I was still feeling a bit groggy. When we got there, he was sat up in his bed having some food. Honestly, he looked the best he’d been in years! His face had colour to it, it wasn’t grey any more.
Back to a normal life
Even now, years after my donation, I still sometimes get messages on social media from people who are considering donating but are scared or not sure if they’re doing the right thing. I always say, it’s completely your own decision and you only have to do it if you really want to. Looking at my own experience, I don’t regret it for an instant. I’ve seen how donating a kidney can improve a family and give somebody back their life after years of suffering. Sean can go on holiday now to places he couldn’t before. He can swim again. He doesn’t have to hook himself up to a machine every second night.
You can live a normal life with just one kidney. I’m still very fit and healthy after my donation. 11 months after my donation, I ran the London Marathon to help get my fitness back to what it was before, and also just to prove that I could! I ended up completing it in under four and a half hours, which I was super happy with. My life hasn’t changed one bit, but it’s changed his quality of life hugely.
"If I had three kidneys, I’d absolutely donate another one tomorrow, unquestionably."
Read“I’m a great believer that when you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.”
Read"It’s now been almost 13 years since I donated, and nothing has changed in terms of my health or my lifestyle."
Read"Here was a chance to do something kind without having to wait for someone I know to need my support."
Read"Seeing how it helped my brother has made it all so, so worth it. As much as the journey was scary, it’s proven to be so rewarding."
Read“I wanted to share my kidney donation story to help build awareness of the good that we all can do to help someone worse off.”
Read“It’s amazing how a small amount of inconvenience on my part can make such a huge difference to someone else.”
Read20 years ago, David's enthusiasm for life was put to the test when he found out his kidneys were failing and he would need a transplant.
ReadAisha is determined to raise awareness of living kidney donation and encourage more people in South Asian communities to consider donating.
Read"My husband was living on dialysis, and I saw the constant reality of what that meant for him."
Read"I set myself clear goals to return to fitness and running after my kidney donation."
Read"This is me, Louise Sach, shortly after I was diagnosed with chronic renal failure."
Read"It has now been over a year since my donation. I have zero pain or discomfort, and I am entirely back to normal with nothing but a scar to remind me of my experience."
ReadRachel already knew more than she wanted to about the process of kidney donation before she gave her spare kidney to someone she didn’t know.
ReadHenry donated a kidney to his sister Helen, and has seen first-hand the difference a donation can make for someone with kidney disease.
Read“It has made absolutely no difference to my day-to-day life. My mum, however, has a life like never before.”
ReadNaomi knew she wanted to donate a kidney after learning about kidney disease and reality of life on dialysis.
ReadEmma donated her kidney to a stranger eight years ago after first seeing a story about non-directed donation on TV four years previously.
ReadJoyce thought that she was too old to donate a kidney, before learning there was no upper age limit for donating.
ReadMandy donated one of her kidneys to her younger cousin Lou, who was diagnosed with kidney problems when she was two years old.
Read"I don’t consider myself to be a hero or brave. I just did what I was brought up to do – to help others."
ReadJulie worked hard to stay fit and healthy while she was preparing to donate a kidney to her nephew.
Read"At the beginning it seemed like a difficult decision to make, but since the operation I don’t have any regrets."
ReadTessa believes that donating a kidney to a stranger is one of the best decisions she's ever made.
ReadLynn was 75 when she donated a kidney altruistically. "I knew I wanted to do it if I was capable of doing so."
Read“You don’t need to be a superhero, you don’t need to be a mega star of any sort. It’s something that normal people just like me can do."
ReadLaura knew she would donate a kidney to her sister if she needed it. When the time came, she found the process absolutely worth it.
ReadMatt's dream of joining the police was shattered by an unexpected diagnosis of kidney disease, but his mother's kidney donation allowed him to thrive and pursue new dreams.
Read"I've learnt a lot about myself and my own health – I would do it again in a heartbeat (if I had another kidney to spare!)"
Read"I believe that if you are in a position to help someone else less fortunate than yourself, then you should do so."
ReadEvery kidneyversary deserves a celebration, but in 2024 Elaine marked a particularly poignant milestone – 10 years since she donated a kidney to her eldest daughter.
Read"I feel immeasurably better in myself knowing I have been able to give my brother the gift of a healthy life."
ReadDennis is keen to show people that you can still live your life as normal and achieve great things after donating a kidney.
ReadWhen Ali heard that a former colleague was waiting for a kidney transplant, he knew within minutes that he would offer one of his.
Read"My mum needed a kidney, and I didn’t need both of mine. When I heard that, I didn't have any hesitation."
ReadKathryn faced life-changing kidney failure after being diagnosed with the rare disease, IgA vasculitis.
ReadMarianne has seen first hand the benefits that kidney donation can bring to a family, and feels blessed that she was able to donate a kidney to her brother.
ReadBen felt drained by kidney disease for over 12 years before his cousin gave him a second chance at life by donating his kidney.
ReadJulie donated to her son and knows first hand that donating an organ doesn’t just save a person. It saves a family.
ReadAnne donated into the UK Living Kidney Sharing Scheme so that her brother could receive a kidney transplant.
Read"Within both the Jain and Hindu faiths benevolence to others is supposed to be a key principle. What could be a greater act of benevolence than transforming someone’s life by giving them part of yourself?"
Read"If I had more Kidneys to give, I'd be donating to anyone who needed one."
ReadTrainee teacher Mark is grateful for the life-saving kidney transplant from his brother that put him back on track for life and his career.
ReadSheldon & Hayley watched their daughter Daisy-May go from a shock diagnosis of kidney failure to dialysis, then transplant, in an emotional rollercoaster lasting 16 months.
ReadMy donor gave me a life to live for. I have done things I had never considered doing whilst on dialysis.
Read"If I had another kidney to spare, I would donate in a heartbeat. It was life changing for my husband, and for me as a person."
ReadDavid is just an average Joe. A motorcycling, 54-year-old father and grandfather. And 6 years ago, he donated one of his kidneys to someone who needed it more than he did.
Read40 years ago, Kathleen donated one of her kidneys to Cheryl, who was just five years old at the time.
Read"Giving a small part of me that I didn’t need to someone else would make little difference in my life, but a huge difference in theirs – it was an easy decision for me to make."
ReadLiz's family struggled at first with her determination to donate her kidney to someone unrelated to her.
Read"I donated a kidney to my dad 10 years ago, aged 25. To me, it was a no brainer."
ReadSarah had seen the life-changing difference donating a kidney could have, and immediately knew it was something she wanted to do.
ReadI would not feel as comfortable in my own skin as I do now if I had not donated my kidney.
ReadPete’s kidney gave me my life back and gave my son Edward a mum with energy and vitality.
ReadWhether you’ve already decided to donate a kidney, or you are interested in finding out more about the process and what it involves, we’re here to answer any questions you might have.
