It all began when a friend of mine was diagnosed with a kidney condition which caused his kidneys to fail. His brother came forward to donate one of his kidneys, which we all thought was a brilliant thing to do and that would solve the issue. However, a few months later we learnt that his kidney function wasn’t high enough for him to live with just one, meaning he wasn’t able to donate a kidney. We were all quite shocked.
I planned to take my friend to France for a nice holiday, to get away from all the talk of kidney disease. He had an 18-month-old daughter, so I thought they’d appreciate some time away. What I didn’t appreciate, however, was how restrictive dialysis was for him. I just assumed I’d be able to arrange for him to get his dialysis over there without an issue, but he talked me through everything that’s actually involved.
It really opened my eyes to the reality of living with kidney disease. Living on dialysis isn’t just life-as-normal, it’s a life support machine that you need to build your life around. You have to connect to it every few days without fail, or there are life-threatening repercussions. Even when it does work properly, it puts your body under huge strain. It was like he was living with a ball and chain tied to him every day. In the end we didn’t go to France as it proved too difficult to arrange the dialysis around it.
I hadn’t considered living kidney donation at all before that moment, but realised I didn’t want to see his daughter grow up without a father. I thought long and hard about it, but quickly decided that I would put myself forward to see if I could donate one of my kidneys to him.
The first round of tests was scheduled to check if I was a match. Lo and behold, the tests came back a match! So we moved on to the rest of the tests to see if I was healthy and able to donate. Unfortunately soon after my first tests the Covid-19 pandemic struck. Everything went radio silent as the health services were moved to wherever they were most needed. When they were able, though, things picked up again without a hitch.
The team at Hammersmith Hospital were brilliant and talked me through everything as the tests continued. They made it clear at every meeting that I could turn around at any point and say I didn’t want to donate, and that’s ok.
Those meetings were great, but I always felt as though there was always more that I could learn myself. I asked as many questions as I could during my meetings, and read up as much as I could about keeping my kidneys healthy and living with one kidney after the donation. I really got into a rabbit hole reading about renal disease and kidney transplants. I wanted to know all the facts I could. There’s so much information out there, and I was determined to give my friend the best shot possible of watching his daughter grow up.
As the tests moved on and it became more likely that I was going to be able to donate, we had a bit of a discussion about whether I’d be in the same hospital as my friend or not. In the end our surgeons were fantastic – they spoke to one another, and they agreed we would each have our operation near home so we could be close to our families. I’d do my part in Hammersmith, then the kidney would get transported to Cardiff and transplanted into my friend there.
The operation happened completely as planned, no issues whatsoever. After I woke up from the transplant, I asked if everything had gone well. I was told the kidney was successfully transplanted into my friend, however hadn’t yet ‘woken up’ and wasn’t working as expected. It was a scary time while we waited to see what happened and if the transplant would get rejected. After 48 hours of worry, the kidney kicked itself into life!
Almost five years on, the difference I see in my friend has been phenomenal. It’s as if his battery was at 1% before the operation, and now he’s back to being fully charged. It’s been absolutely life-changing for him. My own recovery was a bit slower, and I found it harder than I’d expected – after all, my body was working out how to live with one kidney! But within 12 weeks or so, I was back in a position where I could go on living my life as if nothing had happened.
I’d describe the overall experience as bittersweet. Everything I’ve said so far was amazing, and I know I did everything I could for my friend’s quality of life. But what leaves me sad is the hundreds of people I met during my time in hospital. You’re there for quite a while during the process, and I ended up getting chatting to all sorts of people on dialysis, learning about their stories and experiences. There are still so many people lying there, whose lives are dictated by a machine and medication, if only they could find a kidney donor as my friend did. I only wish more people got to experience that side of things and realise the need there is for more kidney donors.
The way I look, I’ve been called everything from a Viking to a walking tattoo. But none of that matters here. A kidney is a kidney. It doesn’t matter what you do with your hair, how you dress, what your skin colour is. Anyone can do what I did and improve the life of someone immensely. Personally, I celebrated my donation by going out as soon as I could and getting a new tattoo – right where my kidney was, is an empty frame on an easel which reads ‘on permanent loan’!
It’s funny – people say to me that donating a kidney is this amazing heroic act, I don’t consider myself a hero at all. I’m just trying to save my friend’s life. Who wouldn’t want to do that?
