Donating a kidney to my wife Rebecca wasn’t something I’d have wanted to do in a perfect world, but in reality it was something I had to do.
In the late 2000s, a random blood test showed that Rebecca’s kidney function was deteriorating. She didn’t have any symptoms at all to show that something was wrong. Thankfully it was caught early enough that she didn’t need to go on dialysis and we were told she could expect to live a few years normally before any intervention was needed, but were told that her kidney function would keep gradually declining.
Around three years ago, her kidney function started dropping to around 20%. Her renal team began explaining that soon she would need a new kidney from a donor, or else would need to start dialysis. It had always seemed like a long way away, so it hit quite hard when it all finally started happening.
It was always a given that, when the time came, I’d put myself forward to donate. I’m the type of person who focuses on what I can do about something, rather than worrying about all the potentials. If I had two working kidneys and was able to donate to give her a better life, why wouldn’t I?
Rebecca’s brother and a couple of her good friends also wanted to donate to her if they were able to. It was really great to see so many people putting themselves forward to see if they could help.
In Autumn 2024 I was the first person to get a blood test to see if I could donate to her, and luckily enough I came back a match. It seemed like an age between getting tested and waiting for the donor coordinator to ring back with the results. I remember I was on my way out of work when the call came and I wasn’t ready at all! I was just so happy we’d found a match for her and that I was able to help.
I worried it would all be too good to be true. People thought that once we found out I was a match then that was it, job done. But the reality is there’s still so much more to the donation process.
The testing process was quite a lot. They do so many checks to make sure donating was safe for me and I’d be able to live with one kidney. I’m a bit of a pessimist so prepared myself for the worst, but the results kept coming back positive.
The testing process took about a year in the end. Our living donor coordinator Caroline was absolutely brilliant and held our hand through the whole process, explaining what was going on, why each test was needed, and answering any questions we had.
In the end the tests all came back okay and a transplant date was set. It really crept up on us, then suddenly it all became real. The nerves started to kick in a bit then!
Neither of us had ever had major surgery before, so we didn’t have any idea what to expect. We ended up finding a really good documentary on iPlayer showing a husband donating a kidney to his wife. I watched it about five times! It could be a bit much for some people as it showed everything in the surgery itself, but I wanted to understand everything involved. It definitely eased my path into surgery and helped me relax about what to expect.
My surgery ended up being like-for-like compared to the documentary. Rebecca’s parents dropped us off at the hospital. We both went into a quiet room together while we waited for beds to become available. That was probably the most anxious time as all we were doing was waiting, with no idea how long it would take. Rebecca got one first, then they found one for me soon after.
The hugeness of the transplant really hit home when I got to my bay. There were three other people in there with me, each with their own beds. They asked what I was in for, so I explained I was donating to my wife. They applauded me! The man opposite me had just had a kidney transplant (his second one) and explained how much the kidney changed his life. He really looked after me while I was in there. We’ve stayed in touch ever since – he’s become like a mentor to Rebecca.
I went into the theatre for the transplant. The last thing I can remember was someone asking me what my favourite drink was, and I answered in a funny voice “beer!”.
Next thing I knew, I was waking up in the recovery room. I couldn’t remember at the time, but apparently someone came into my bay after surgery and I asked “Haven’t they done it?”. I felt so normal I wasn’t even sure the transplant had happened!
As far as I remember I had a comfortable night’s sleep, then the next morning the nurses came in and asked if I wanted to get up and get dressed. I was a bit sore, but nothing I’d call pain. I managed to get out of bed, get dressed, and sat down in a chair without any real complaints.
That day I was also able to go round to see Rebecca in her ward. She was doing really well too! She said there was a bit of discomfort around the scar, but otherwise felt great.
I was in hospital recovering until Monday. They originally said I’d probably leave hospital before Rebecca as they wanted to keep an eye on her to make sure everything was working okay, but her recovery had been so good that we both came out together!
The first few days of recovery were hardest for me, but probably just because I’d caught a chest infection rather than anything to do with the surgery. Other than that my recovery wasn’t too bad. It was just hard not to try to do too much! I started doing little walks and moving about the house, the built things up from there.
Unfortunately Rebecca had a few complications after the surgery involving a lot of discomfort and aches, but her kidney function is back up to 44% – much better than the 12% it had been before the surgery.
I’d absolutely recommend donating a kidney to anyone in a similar situation. Even just getting tested is worth it before making up your mind, to see if you even can donate. We were so lucky we found a match so quickly.
I’m now a Buddy in the Buddy Support Service. I’ve become really passionate about helping other people through that process, as it can be quite long if you’re not expecting it. If having a chat for half an hour can help someone else through it all, then it’s worth my time.
