My partner’s son, Patrick, has lived with kidney disease for as long as I’ve known him. In 2019 when I first began dating my partner, he had just had his second kidney transplant the year before. The first had been from his dad and lasted a long time before slowly deteriorating to the point where he needed another one. The second was from his mum, which sadly didn’t last anywhere near as long due to complications and he had to begin dialysis at home. He ended up on dialysis for over two and a half years, needing three sessions a week to stay alive. He had to reduce his working hours to fit it in. It was a very stressful time for all the family.
In January 2024 I attended a seminar in Oxford about living kidney donation. I had always been signed up to the organ donor registry, but when I actually thought about it I realised I didn’t want to wait until I’d popped my clogs before someone could make the most of my kidney. However, I was coming up to 70 and worried I would be too old to donate, so thought I may as well check to see if I could.
I began the tests to see if I could donate to Patrick. Initially the transplant team told me they thought I wouldn’t be the best match because of the results of cross-matching tests. Soon after, however, the hospital phoned me to say that they looked into it further, and they were confident that I would be able to successfully donate to him! They made it clear that they would only move forward if they were happy, it was worth doing and would have a high chance of being a success, so that was really great to hear.
During the summer of 2024, my transplant coordinator put me in touch with the UK Living Kidney Donation Buddy Support Service. I spoke to someone who had donated a kidney altruistically. We had a chat about all the unexpected hiccups you wouldn’t expect about donating, which was helpful for preparing for the worst, so to speak. I also had concerns about my age and thinking I was too old to donate, but actually the buddy service let me hear from several people who were older than me and had successfully donated without any issues. It helped to put my mind at ease.
The tests to see if I was healthy enough to donate continued. There were a lot of them – kidney function checks, x-rays, blood tests, all to make sure I was fit and healthy for the donation process. It felt a bit like a health MOT! At every point I was told if I didn’t want to go ahead then we could stop, which was reassuring. At the same time, Patrick was also getting all sorts of tests to make sure he could get a transplant and that we’d have a good chance of success.
We were away when we got the call saying that the tests were all complete and showed I was able to donate. An operation date was set for early August, though sadly pre-operation tests of Patrick showed he had raised antibodies and would need more time before the donation could happen. I actually misunderstood at first and worried that he wouldn’t get the transplant at all, but they just needed more time before the transplant could go ahead. They had prepared us for the possibility that something would come up meaning it couldn’t go ahead, but it was always still a worry.
A few more tests were re-done, and this time we were both given the go-ahead for an operation in October.
Before the day, my partner and I completed a 200-mile walk in Portugal while we still could! We are keen walkers and it was one we’d always talked about doing – the operation gave us an excuse to bite the bullet and complete it before the deadline.
Patrick and I went into hospital together. My operation was before his, so I went up first. I’ve never had any kind of operation as an adult. I didn’t know what to expect so it all felt a bit daunting! But everyone in the hospital kept making it clear that the procedure could stop if I wanted it to, right up until the last moment. It was good to know but I was sure I wanted it to go forward.
Obviously, I don’t remember the actual operation, but I was told after it all went fine for me and for Patrick. It was keyhole surgery so was not very invasive despite being an organ transplant!
The kidney took six or seven days to wake up and start working properly. That was a stressful time after everything we’d been through. But touch wood, after those first few days it started working as intended and he’s now doing alright! It is three months since the surgery at the time of writing, but his future is looking bright. Now we just have to wait and see!
From my side, the recovery has been fine. I was in hospital for three days after the operation to make sure everything was healing okay, then got to go home to recover. I sometimes feel a bit ‘stretchy’ around the operation scar, but other than that I feel fine. I’m already back to doing local walks and light gym sessions. It’s almost like nothing has happened!
To anyone considering donating themselves, I’d say it’s worth looking at the Buddy Support Scheme and talking to someone who’s been through it. I got great support from that. It was really helpful to talk to people who are living with one kidney and how they’ve been able to get on with normal life – my partner’s done it for 25 years now and is doing 200 mile walks! But it’s worth checking for yourself.
